SHORT STORY: Jurassic Manor

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SHORT STORY: Jurassic Manor

Post by RonfarZ3 » Thu Dec 31, 2015 12:09 am

Title: Jurassic Manor
Length, Draft and Language: 3,213 words / First Draft / English
Brief Summary: Douglas Spacifick has been called to Jurassic Manor to help the owner of the estate, Lord John Pigmont, settle some initial paperwork with patenting the “Dinosaur Servant” concept. As Douglas tours the grounds, he eventually finds that he is much more than a mere guest to the Manor.
Sub Genre & Keywords: Comedy, Victorian, Dinosaurs,
Known Issues: First Draft and first attempt at writing 1st person.
Critique Requested: Anything you notice that might make the story better; especially interested in maintaining the Victorian tone.
Critique Tolerance: Give me the glaring deficiencies and let me know where to improve.
Experience & Goals: This is my first short story, and I'm hoping to include it in the 2016 Anthology, so any help in making it better is appreciated.
Method of Communication: E-mail
Anything else? Not very violent for a story that mimics parts of Jurassic Park, but I do want something back by February so I can polish it a little more before the April deadline.
Optional excerpt: Staring up at the large, wooden doors at the edge of the street, I glanced back and forth along the tall, stone wall that faded into the distance in either direction. From behind me, the carriage driver cleared his throat and asked, “Is this the place or not? My horses are becoming spooked for some reason, so I need to get them out of here soon.” In response, a few of the harnessed steeds began to nervously whinny and stamp in place; tugging at the carriage in an attempt to impel the driver to escape the mysterious entrance.
Glancing down at the paper in my hand, I read the note and confirmed that it was the same as the address emblazoned to the right of the wooden doors: 1990 Clouded Island Avenue. Without turning around, I continued to scowl at the daunting doors as I replied to the driver, “Yes, this is it.” Clearing his throat again, this time with a different emphasis, the driver’s persistence reminded me that I had not paid him. Reaching into my pocket, I removed a few shillings and placed them in his extended palm. Once he had received his fare, his whip cracked above the horses and they sped off down the avenue, leaving me alone in front of the enormous estate.
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Brittany Thurman
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Re: SHORT STORY: Jurassic Manor

Post by Brittany Thurman » Thu Dec 31, 2015 3:24 am

Sub Genre & Keywords: Comedy, Victorian, Dinosaurs

I love the images that combination evokes...

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